Week 3 of book summaries
Essentialism
Only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter. So decide what are the most important things in your life today, devote yourself to these things, and become unavailable for everything else.
Essentialism is not a way to do one more thing; it is a different way of doing everything.
Essentialism is about pausing constantly to ask, “Am I investing in the right activities?”
Essentialism is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.
If you accept the idea that almost everything is noise, you’ll be more strict in what you let inside both your life and your mind.
“We live in a world where almost everything is worthless and very few things are exceptionally valuable.”
“You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything.” — John Maxwell
A non-Essentialist thinks almost everything is essential. An Essentialist thinks almost everything is non-essential.
When we don’t purposefully and deliberately choose where to focus our energies and time, other people — our bosses, our colleagues, our clients, and even our families — will choose for us. We can either make our choices deliberately or allow other people’s agendas to control our lives.
The most essential for most of us are usually these 3: family, hobbies, personal well-being.
Essentialism is a way of living. Is continuously choosing to do fewer things, better, over trying to do it all and saying yes to everything.
Remove the words “I have to” which puts you in a reactive, helpless position. Use the words “I choose to” — remember that you can always choose how to respond to your circumstances.
Trade-offs are an inherent part of life. It’s not about choosing what you have to give up, it’s deciding what you want to go big on.
Instead of asking, “What do I have to give up?” they ask, “What do I want to go big on?”
Ask yourself, “If you could do only one thing with your life right now, what would you do?”
Monk mode: Go one step further and go Monk Mode. Imagine this like putting your phone on Airplane mode. Airplane mode disables Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, cellular networks, and near-field communication. Monk Mode refers to a state of complete concentration. No distractions, no interruptions, no phone calls, no “quick social media checks.” It’s only you and your work.
Sleep is what allows us to operate at our highest level of contribution so that we can achieve more, in less time. Sleep is for high performers. Sleep is a priority, breeds creativity, and enables the highest levels of mental contribution.
“Essentialists accept they cannot be popular with everyone all of the time.”
Sunk-Cost Bias: the tendency to continue to invest time, money, or energy into something we know is a losing proposition simply because we have already incurred, or sunk, a cost that cannot be recouped
“An Essentialist has the courage and confidence to admit his or her mistakes and uncommit, no matter the sunk costs.”
The “planning fallacy”: our tendency to underestimate how long a task will take, even when they have actually done the task before.
To protect yourself against this, add a 50 percent buffer to the amount of time you estimate it will take to complete a task or project
“Essentialists accept the reality that we can never fully anticipate or prepare for every scenario or eventuality. Instead, they build in buffers to reduce the friction caused by the unexpected.”
Start small and celebrate progress. Pursue small and simple wins in areas that are essential.
“A small, concrete win creates momentum and affirms our faith in our further success.”
Instead of going for the big, flashy wins that don’t really matter, the Essentialist pursues small and simple wins in areas that are essential.”
Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work.’”
Split the Difference -
Negotiation begins with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, you demonstrate empathy and show a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing.
Mirrors ->
Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.
For example, if someone said, “We can’t fulfil your request because there have been budget cuts.” You would say something like, “You can’t because of budget cuts?” That forces them to repeat themselves, but they will feel a natural urge to clarify what they’re saying even more, giving you more information in the process.
Example:
Manager: I want you to have this assignment ready within three days.
You: I am sorry, three days?
Manager: Yes it is about an important client and we need to proceed quickly.
You: I am sorry, so you are saying that the client requested the assignment within three days?
Manager: Actually, I will check with them and get back to you.
The mirroring technique works wonders when you use a slow and friendly voice and start your sentences with “I am sorry.”
Labeling ->
Labeling is a way of validating someone’s emotion by acknowledging it. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels.
It gets you close to someone without asking about external factors you know nothing about.
- “It seems like …”
- “It sounds like …”
- “It looks like …”
Labeling is the greatest tool in that respect. By labeling the internal struggle of the other party we get a glimpse of what is happening in their world and they automatically lower their defenses as a sign of appreciation.
Example from sales:
Supplier: I can’t negotiate that price.
You: It seems like that I am asking you to lower the price a lot and that you won’t get the profit margin you were expecting.
Supplier: Yes that’s it.
You: I am sorry, but this is not the case. I would feel the same in your position, but then I would look at the bigger picture. When our sales will keep increasing and we will be asking for more supplies in the future your profit margin will skyrocket. I wouldn’t want to miss that deal.
Side note: When you label, try and avoid the use of “I.” Statements like “it seems like,” “it sounds like,” “it looks like,” convey that you are more interested in them than yourself.
Start with No! ->
Also, a “no” can be provoked in order to play on the other person’s ego and fear of loss. Something along the lines of “it seems like you don’t want to make money,” “it seems like you don’t want this relationship to work,” “it seems like you want this project to fail,” will do the work.
Example from people who don’t respond to emails:
“Have you given up on this project?”
With that simple line, you provoke a no response and initiate a justification. After they reply you can go on with more negotiation techniques.
Handling a “no” is entirely your responsibility. We are not used to “no”s because we immediately associate them with rejection. Reframe that to a “no” is a sign for collaboration. Think that every “no” gets me closer to a “yes.”
Below are some very effective emotional drivers:
- Loss aversion: People will always be triggered more by the fear of loss than by the vision of success.
- Let the other person go first: When you do that you get the chance to analyze their perspective and plan your strategy. Also, do that when negotiating a price.
- Establish a range: When you want to get your point across instead of being specific with your demands, establish a range. E.g. in salary negotiations don’t say I want 110k, say in places like X company people in this job get 130–170k.
- Use odd numbers: 37,000$ is rounded. 37,327$ is odd and feels like it got picked after serious calculation.
- Surprise with gifts: This is related to reciprocity because subconsciously we feel obliged to give back to people who gave us something.
Use open ended questions
“How am I supposed to do that?” when you are on the defense and “What is your biggest challenge” when you are on the offense.
